Ring of Fire
July 5, 2024
9:48pm
The silent streets of Black Forest pavement curved around buildings like a tongue around lips. The moist, heavy air – matched only by the wet tufts of grass -held its breath and mine too.
Todtmoos. A weird-sounding name. Like dead moss laying fallow in the desert.
The flickering images danced about the screen, white and red jerseys, men kicking balls, sweat dripping down their thighs. Whistles and hollers. Arms flailing. Shouting and cursing and stamping of feet.
At the picknick table, a thirteen-year-old boy wore the weight of war on his skin, weary from the world already. His hat rested just above his downcast eyes as he sat amongst the adults, ignoring his presence. He nearly disappeared into the fabric of cushions beneath him. The echoes of Russian gunshots nearly swallowed his aura whole.
The game ended and so did my life as it was.
But before I really knew that, I took the boy aside.
“Roman,” I said. “May I talk to you?”
He lifted his eyes to meet my gaze. His hat bobbed in affirmation.
“We must all go through the ring of fire at some point in our lives. It burns and we are scared the flames will take us with them. But I promise you this: it is worth going through that ring to the other side. There resides the greatest beauty this life has to offer. I see your courage. I see you. I really do.”
I could feel his spirit lifting ever so slightly toward the clouds. We paused. Took the breath back from the stillness and hugged.
Ten minutes later I faced that ring again. On the other end of the line, my ex-husband’s quiet words that tore a lifelong hole in my heart.
And only I can go through it. Alone.
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