Scared senseless

Are you scared? So am I. And I am doing it anyway.

Life promised me things. A great career, a great relationship, a great horizon. As I deepened myself in the process of it all, I emerged broken, shattered, perplexed, shunned.

It didn’t turn out as I thought it would.

Thank God.

We often embark on adventures with plans and maps and provisions. We think we know the outcome. We carefully craft, clearly communicate, agree on things and realize we don’t always speak the same language.

Even when we do.

Because life offers nuances, angles and the painstaking direction we weren’t prepared for. No matter how much we suggest otherwise, we are often wrong about our assessment of people, plans and the processes to get us “there”.

Used with permission from Mohamed Nohassi/Unsplash.

I have been lost 1,000 times. Reaching for the stars is a blurry, windblown experience. Because even when we place trust in the process, we often are left naked, scared, alone.

Emerging from the nocturnal abyss takes the same trust we placed in the process we thought let us down. It didn’t. It merely showed we are not the ones in control.

The Universe is.

I humbly back out of the room, murmuring a prayer of gratitude. What a journey we can take when we allow ourselves to be our authentic selves. Those who fall away no longer play a part. And as hard as it feels to lose someone, we must know there is a grander plan we can follow.

If we choose to.

I choose joy. It is there. Waiting patiently, solemnly. Never nudging. Just lingering until we find the eyes to see it has been before us all along.

As we exhale in the storm that follows, we must know one thing: we are loved. Our sole purpose is to show that we ourselves are love. This is my solemn promise. To myself. To the world.

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